Rough Script
Montage shots of ocean, waves lapping against rocks. The CHORUS is voiceover:
CHORUS (sung slowly, amelodically, like a Gregorian chant):
A Dead Calm
Plagues this ocean;
A wraith –
Sent by God –
To haunt mortal man –
There is no resolution.
Alternatively:
This sea
Plagued by winds no man can quell
Only God in vengeance
Blood must be spilled
[general lines to re-translate from original Aeschylus:
“Suffer into Truth” (l. 179)
“There comes a violent love” (l. 184)
(l. 190 -):
“and the squadrons
rowed in the shallows off Chalkis
where the riptide crashes, drags,
and winds from the north
pinned down our hulls
at Aulis,
port of anguish…
head winds starving,
sheets and the cables snapped
and the men’s minds strayed,
the pride, the bloom of Greece
was raked as time ground on,
ground down…
it all comes clear with the light of day…”]
CHORUS:
Nay –
A strong head wind
Prevents their every movement –
They waste their strength
A final test
“Pain both ways and which is worse?” [re-translate]
I can see the water lash their oars,
The wind whip back their proffered sails –
Nature will not
Break way
Without blood –
I can see
That now –
Long shot of CALCHAS limping far on beach. Long take, telephoto – is walking but not apparently getting closer. Cut to his feet dragging on the beach, hurriedly, strenuously, madly. Cut to close up of his face – wrappings around his face, like the ones covering his body. Only his eyes show - they are white, with no pupils at all – he is obviously blind. We see and hear that CALCHAS is out of breath – camera spins from close up of CALCHUS to reveal close up of AGAMEMNON, who is standing right in front of him. Beard. Gray-brown hair. Worried face, bent eyebrows. CALCHAS gropes for his face. As he does AGAMEMNON says slowly –
AGAMEMNON:
Calchas –
The brazen –
He who sees more than man himself,
I fear your approach.
I have dreaded the approach of truth –
For what is to be feared more?
Calchas –
He who speaks of dreams come alive –
I have not but feared you in my own dreams.
Tell me!
I must have truth!
Oh, but pain upon pain is all I can see.
It stands in front of me, breathing - as a man must do –
Though he may want not but to quell it.
Heavy are my heart and hand.
Vengeance cuts my mind in two –
I command you,
Blind seer –
Speak!
[Pause]
CALCHAS:
...You prophesize well, King –
Father –
Agamemnon –
Leader of the Argive fleet –
Borne of the blood of Atreus!
AGAMEMNON:
How I shudder to hear!...
CALCHAS:
…I see…
AGAMEMNON:
What? Tell me what you see,
for it is I who am blind to the will of these winds.
CALCHAS:
…Eagles!...
They devour a hare –
Helpless it is and so are we.
AGAMEMNON:
The hare of which you speak… who…?
CALCHAS:
Fine,
Yet untouched
By man,
Do you not hear its screams?
They are your own,
King of Argos –
[Pause]
…Father of Iphigenia!
AGAMEMNON:
No! Tell me I am mad!
Tell me it is not so!
Tell me that I do not understand -
What horrible vision!
CALCHAS:
It is as you know it to be!
The seer only looks upon what is,
King.
The winds –
Artemis –
Thirsts for blood – pure and holy.
Sacrifice your beloved daughter or we shall not leave
this place by sail, but in the winged arms of Death –
he – the sole bird to fly without wind.
Cut to AGAMEMNON.
AGAMEMNON:
Oo!
Is there no law but this?
This is the rule of Death –
Sweet! - innocence!
How can I?
How must I?
How, I ask!
Tell me, seer!
CALCHAS remains silent, is gone.
AGAMEMNON is alone.
Cut - like cut at end of 2001 where Dave grows old by looking at himself – he hears footsteps – splashing, wet footsteps – he looks up and sees faraway on the mountain by the ocean – himself – climbing (like the dance of Death scene at the end of Seventh Seal) – leading Iphigenia – both dressed in white, silhouetted against the sky, dark – He leads her like death.
Footsteps. Footsteps of AGAMEMNON intercut with footsteps of IPHIGENIA.
well this is the rough draft of the first half of my script, The Sacrifice of Iphigenia.
It's Copyrighted 2005, Tyler Henry, so if you're some random dude reading this online, you can't steal it. not that you would want to anyway. besides, im gonna shoot this film today thru wednesday so theres no way you could do it before me!
I was just wondering if anybody has any comments/criticism, I really need some feedback.
CHORUS (sung slowly, amelodically, like a Gregorian chant):
A Dead Calm
Plagues this ocean;
A wraith –
Sent by God –
To haunt mortal man –
There is no resolution.
Alternatively:
This sea
Plagued by winds no man can quell
Only God in vengeance
Blood must be spilled
[general lines to re-translate from original Aeschylus:
“Suffer into Truth” (l. 179)
“There comes a violent love” (l. 184)
(l. 190 -):
“and the squadrons
rowed in the shallows off Chalkis
where the riptide crashes, drags,
and winds from the north
pinned down our hulls
at Aulis,
port of anguish…
head winds starving,
sheets and the cables snapped
and the men’s minds strayed,
the pride, the bloom of Greece
was raked as time ground on,
ground down…
it all comes clear with the light of day…”]
CHORUS:
Nay –
A strong head wind
Prevents their every movement –
They waste their strength
A final test
“Pain both ways and which is worse?” [re-translate]
I can see the water lash their oars,
The wind whip back their proffered sails –
Nature will not
Break way
Without blood –
I can see
That now –
Long shot of CALCHAS limping far on beach. Long take, telephoto – is walking but not apparently getting closer. Cut to his feet dragging on the beach, hurriedly, strenuously, madly. Cut to close up of his face – wrappings around his face, like the ones covering his body. Only his eyes show - they are white, with no pupils at all – he is obviously blind. We see and hear that CALCHAS is out of breath – camera spins from close up of CALCHUS to reveal close up of AGAMEMNON, who is standing right in front of him. Beard. Gray-brown hair. Worried face, bent eyebrows. CALCHAS gropes for his face. As he does AGAMEMNON says slowly –
AGAMEMNON:
Calchas –
The brazen –
He who sees more than man himself,
I fear your approach.
I have dreaded the approach of truth –
For what is to be feared more?
Calchas –
He who speaks of dreams come alive –
I have not but feared you in my own dreams.
Tell me!
I must have truth!
Oh, but pain upon pain is all I can see.
It stands in front of me, breathing - as a man must do –
Though he may want not but to quell it.
Heavy are my heart and hand.
Vengeance cuts my mind in two –
I command you,
Blind seer –
Speak!
[Pause]
CALCHAS:
...You prophesize well, King –
Father –
Agamemnon –
Leader of the Argive fleet –
Borne of the blood of Atreus!
AGAMEMNON:
How I shudder to hear!...
CALCHAS:
…I see…
AGAMEMNON:
What? Tell me what you see,
for it is I who am blind to the will of these winds.
CALCHAS:
…Eagles!...
They devour a hare –
Helpless it is and so are we.
AGAMEMNON:
The hare of which you speak… who…?
CALCHAS:
Fine,
Yet untouched
By man,
Do you not hear its screams?
They are your own,
King of Argos –
[Pause]
…Father of Iphigenia!
AGAMEMNON:
No! Tell me I am mad!
Tell me it is not so!
Tell me that I do not understand -
What horrible vision!
CALCHAS:
It is as you know it to be!
The seer only looks upon what is,
King.
The winds –
Artemis –
Thirsts for blood – pure and holy.
Sacrifice your beloved daughter or we shall not leave
this place by sail, but in the winged arms of Death –
he – the sole bird to fly without wind.
Cut to AGAMEMNON.
AGAMEMNON:
Oo!
Is there no law but this?
This is the rule of Death –
Sweet! - innocence!
How can I?
How must I?
How, I ask!
Tell me, seer!
CALCHAS remains silent, is gone.
AGAMEMNON is alone.
Cut - like cut at end of 2001 where Dave grows old by looking at himself – he hears footsteps – splashing, wet footsteps – he looks up and sees faraway on the mountain by the ocean – himself – climbing (like the dance of Death scene at the end of Seventh Seal) – leading Iphigenia – both dressed in white, silhouetted against the sky, dark – He leads her like death.
Footsteps. Footsteps of AGAMEMNON intercut with footsteps of IPHIGENIA.
well this is the rough draft of the first half of my script, The Sacrifice of Iphigenia.
It's Copyrighted 2005, Tyler Henry, so if you're some random dude reading this online, you can't steal it. not that you would want to anyway. besides, im gonna shoot this film today thru wednesday so theres no way you could do it before me!
I was just wondering if anybody has any comments/criticism, I really need some feedback.
3 Comments:
I don't know anything about greek tragedy or film, but I was a little weary about the chorus. Who's going to sing it? That will have to be very well done if it's going to work, you know what I mean? People nowadays aren't used to choruses, let alone a chorus starting the movie (before the action).
I like the script in general, but a few things: make sure when Calchas says 'father of iphigenia' it's clear that he's answering agamemnon's last question. i see calchas even looking away when he says this, ashamed to face agamemnon even though he cannot see him.
How does Calchas disappear? Do you face the camera where he is to show that he's gone? No puff of smoke I hope?
Who's acting? Make sure Agamemnon is a big hairy man.
agamemnon will be played by my dad - (big hairy man)! amanda (earl) is playing iphigenia hopefully, and i am playing calchas. feel free to read into that casting as much as possible, that is part of the idea. amanda parker is playing clytaemnestra (agamemnon's wife)/mysterious woman-image/helen (if the viewer so chooses to draw that out from the visuals).
is the archaism of the dialogue too cheezy? i think it would obviously be cheezier to use modern conversational conventions.
thanks for the input
I would say it won't be cheezy if it's made a certain way. I think it will have to look and sound like an old movie- you know the way they used to do voiceovers? I don't really know what I mean; I'm thinking kind of like Life of Pi, the way the voices sound in that. Just eery, as if they don't even belong, as if the visuals are such that they demand silence- so then the voices are kind of scratchy and like a play being read aloud to you when you're a little kid. Something like all of that.
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